not only is it my mum's birthday and our anniversary but today is the anniversary of the day that I was told that I had cancer. 5 years ago!
what a horrible thing cancer is. I remember clearly the phone call. "Robyn, we have found cancer" - just like that. I was alone. I collapsed on the ground in a heap. I just felt so alone, lost, hysterical. Who would look after my kids? I wanted to grow old with my husband. Why me ? I couldn't believe that this was happening. I was stunned , I wanted someone to take the pain in my heart away, to make it all better. to tell me that it was a bad dream
Why me ?
I had to have radiation treatment - which was the absolute pits but it eventually ended and I went on to heal. The psychological effects last a long time and lots of counselling.
I could post there and within minutes I had a reply from someone who knew just what I was going through. Some of these women, I still keep in contact with today. They are my good friends.
I think the penny dropped for me the day I was chatting to my cancer counsellor and she asked me what I was afraid of - my answer was that I was so scared of my cancer coming back - her reply - there is no guarantee that it won't come back but nor is there a guarantee that you won't walk out this door and be hit by a bus. I carry that with my everyday.
Life goes on and one day - you realize you are pretty well normal (I said nearly) - I have my days of waking in a cold sweat and reliving all the treatments but then I remember how lucky I am. Then, one day, I wake up and it is 5 years since diagnosis. What a wonderful day, today is!
today - I am grateful for being a cancer survivor.