women ! not mean girls but mean women
I have been crying, all night. what is it about the female species of the human race? I have been going to a patchwork group for 8 years now. I haven't been for about 6 weeks or so * due to the fact that I have have been feeling 'under the weather' so to speak and dealing with my mum and her wanting to get her funeral in order(that is very hard to deal with!) * and not one phonecall to see how I am. Yesterday, I decided to go along and honestly, it was awful, I felt like a social outcast. Most of the girls there were kind of cold and uninviting. They had even organised an outing for next week and didn't invite me. When I asked what was happening next week, they kind of mumbled and said they were going to a quilt shop..and I just left it. My heart hurt. i am always a phone call away for these women whenever they have something awful happen, I listen and I know I am not perfect but I try to never leave anyone out. Why do we do this kind of thing, why are we like this? why can't we just accept each other for who we are? Teenage girls can be horrible and nasty to each other but women in their 50's? Has it always been like this, down through the ages? or is it a new phenomena, with all our materialistic attitudes - that we have to be like this to make ourselves feel better? maybe it is time for me to move on..I just don't know. Now I know why my best friend is my husband.
posted by Miss Robyn | 8:45 am
16 Comments:
Such trying things are happening recently! My heart hurts with you!! I wish things like that didn't happen and I especially wish I could ring those Patchwork Ladies and tell them how they are not Ladies to behave so horribly to you!! Why can't they have looked past their own hurt at your long absence and told you they missed you and wondered how you were and how they could help??? A hug from me in Canada!
Dear Robyn, I am very sorry to hear that you have been hurt. You definitely are not alone for having experienced such bad behaviour from a group of women you spend time with regularly and share a common interest. It is so sad when this happens.
And it definitely isn't specific to just teenage girls.
It doesn't matter what age, it still is so horrible and hurts so much when it happens.
I get very, very hurt from rejection (and wish I had thicker skin), but never show it to the perpertrators!
Just keep being yourself and surely the penny will drop, and those involved will be ashamed for their behaviour.
Dry your eyes my friend. Keep your chin up and treat yourself to something today that brings a smile to your heart.
P.s. My heart breaks to think of the difficult (understatement!!!) situation you are facing in regards to dealing with you Mum and her wanting to organise her funeral arrangements :(
My love to you xoxo
Oh Ms Robyn, my heart aches for you. I've been exactly where you are right now and I've come to the same conclusion, my husband is my best friend.
This will pass and please just reread all the comments and love you have here and on your other sites, while we may not be near you geographically, we adore you just like you are.
Thoughts and prayers...Stay strong, Robyn!
Im so sorry that you have been hurt Robyn. What a nasty group of women! If it was me I would never go back there again. I wouldnt want to be part of a group that treats people so unkindly. You are better than that...keep your head up high and dont lower yourself to their level. They will get their just deserts one day...Do something scrumptious for yourself today and forget those un christian-like women !!!! Hugssssss to you. We all love you.
Robyn...there are days when I go to work and I sense a certain vibe....cant put my finger on it but thats the day when i walk past a group of women and they go quiet, or change the subject or suddenly all walk away....dont know what it is....but I feel it too...and NO its not soemthing only teenage girls do! hugs to you.....also agree with what Kali and others wrote...((hugs))
Oh Robyn! rise above it,the problem lies with them not with you,you have the purest soul,and they are being small minded and petty,its because they havent seen the bigger picture,I have had this kind of thing happen also and with hindsight(marvellous thing!)I realise that each incident taught me something about myself,and guided me towards more worthwhile friendships,dont let it upset you hon,bye for now xxx
I am so sorry you were treated so badly. Everyone knows you are always the first with a kind word or deed when anyone needs one. My suggestion would be to call one of the ladies you are most friendly with in the group and ask her if you have said or done something and explain how you felt you were treated. I am the type of person that can't keep their mouth shut when something like that happens but by speaking up if they didn't act that way on purpose they will see what it did to you and if they did act that way on purpose they know you will speak up and not sit back and take it. You are loved in our neighborhood and we all love you!
Dearest Robyn, stay strong my friend. You know you always have us if you need us to listen.
I am going through something similar at the moment, and unfortunately, it's not something I am able to walk away from right now. So I hold my head high, knowing I have done nothing wrong to deserve this sort of thing, and that's what you should do too. I know it's hard, but it seems to me, you are right. It comes from the attitude of everyone for themselves, rather than thinking about how their actions will affect others close to them. It's wrong, and unfortunately it's very prevalent.
You just keep on being the person you are happy to be - maybe this is a weeding out period for you - letting go of the (very) average so it can be replaced with the extraordinary.
Hugs xxx
Dearest, Sweet Robyn,
I feel your pain and only time makes it better. I moved here to Kentucky a little over two years ago. I missed my family and my only daughter and felt so alone and outcast. I was thrilled when I found my first "friend". We "yard saled" and flea marketed and coffee klatched together and had a ball. Then, last fall, we each decided to start selling our extra treasures on ebay....... End of friendship.
The girl I had come to cherish as a friend no longer wanted to have a thing to do with me. She views me as a competitor and now it is all about her buying EVERYTHING she sees so I cannot purchase it. Silly, childish, petty, greedy and hurtful. I even told her to her face that PEOPLE are more precious than THINGS to me and she faced with me with a cold, unfeeling stare. I cried, I fretted, I blamed myself until I finally understood my fiance's counsel........"we each have a lot of acquaintances but few are truly friends". I still feel the sting of rejection and longing when I see her out and about every week but I no longer blame myself or waste time trying to figure out what I could have done differently. SHE made the choice to distance herself from ME, not the reverse. It is HER loss since I am one of the most kind, generous, and thoughtful friends she would have had the privilege of claiming. It took me a while but I am past the acute sting and hurt and know that you will reach that place too. Just love yourself and try not to let snippy females cause you to question yourself and your worth. We love you.
Oh, today is my BIG birthday.....50! (Man, I getting to be an old toot!) And no, I will not hear from her. She probably has not even remembered it. My solace is to imagine where she will be in a few years when she hits that milestone and she wonders where her friends are.....
Hang tough!
Nancy
Not all women are like that, certainly not! Some are, that's true, but please don't lose trust in us woman Robyn! I'm very sorry to read that the patchwork group women were cold to you and have hurted you, who knows what their problem was. What a pity that you live so far away that I cant come over to console you. Hugs to you xox
You are wounded inside and it does not show so people (your group) just carry on.You have and wrote about "inner strength" May 18 post so now is the time for you to focus on that.You are on "solid ground" focus on all your blessings don't waste your energy trying to figure out negative
behaviour because then you own it.This is a very vulnerable time for you so try to centre yourself with posative triggers what ever that may be.Mine for instance is looking at pictures of my garden and pets. Look around find your calm...Come look at my cats in a recent post...pure peace.I do understand...I've been there in fact we all have. You do matter.
I find that, where ever you may be; in church, in school, with moms and dads of your sons or daughters soccer team or even on a blog there is always this social status that haunts us until the day we die. People I find always judge by what’s on the outside not looking inside at the pages of the book. What they think is important really is not and fail in discovering what truly is. It is very unfortunate for them and not for you for they're the ones that are missing a sincere friendship with no expectations attached by you, your only request is that they treat you in the same kind way. If you can remember this and not let people hurt and stand in your way {which is not always easy} you will see that there are some very special people still who like you, look for what is real and sincere.
In life everyone wants love and acceptance; for others recognition of their talents and fame is what they seek. Sometimes this desire can be the demise of ones self. It can become the devil himself if only what matters to them is the vanity they yearn.
When jealousy is playing a roll; they’re friendship is only for gain and control over others and you.
I’ve been in this situation in the past and I’ve tried my hardest to be the kindest of true friends with neighbors, fellow soccer moms and I had thought I had lost in attaining their friendship …when really I never did. I know when to let go, feeling the hurt and pain of rejection only to make matters worse in their final choices in friends over you; who are less than desirable, lazy deceitful beings. If that’s who replaces you and you acknowledge that fact it makes the hurt disappear and you begin to see that you’re un-acceptance in becoming their friend was not bad after all but a blessing instead. The friend you thought you might have had was unable to clearly see and thus has passed up a good ally because of their short comings not yours and the trifling qualities they look for in the company they keep only points to the shallowness of themselves.
I remain true to myself and like who I am but I also see all the faults I do have {not always} but I do look out for them and acknowledge when I’m wrong. One thing I never want for me to be is a person who thinks they’re better than everyone else and completely stuck up; but I think there is little danger in that ever happening for I never forget I’m not perfect.
I’ve only touched upon how society relates in a social ladder which I find so undesirable a trait in anyone who displays it and I try to desperately understand where exactly these people think they actually came from ...a perfect world? There are so many other aspects of why some can be so nasty and fake; jealousy being the one that consistently prevails in these situations, but it doesn’t matter the reasons for surely there is no justification in their actions.
I think generally girls are catty and boys seem more sincere. I don’t know why this is but my daughter and I have better friendships with guys than with girls. I have two very best girl friends. I rather have a few friends that are true than many that is not. I suggest to you to follow your heart and love he who is your best friend…your husband. The friends that are true will always be there and the ones that aren’t never where.
Annabelle
Couldn't let this post pass without putting my bit in to say 'chin up' along with everyone else here, who have said pretty much everything I would have, so I won't duplicate it all! Yup, been there done that too, but worse than that, I have been on the other side of the fence and I hated myself afterwards. The first time was a girl at school, and she was such a sweet natured person, I don't know what got into me and the others who ostracised her for a while. We got over it eventually, but I ended up apologising to her about my behaviour, and to my amazement she said she had forgotten all about it! Well...she might have, but it certainly came back to haunt me.
So sorry to hear that you have been hurt. Have been in this situation countless times and its does hurt, my own family has done this to me when I don't do things as they want me to and expect me to. You are a strong women and have been through alot in your life....this too shall pass..maybe not as quickly as we'd like but the pain will lessen...stay encouraged...you are loved and I for one am so very thankful that your my friend!!! Hugs to you dear...xo
Isn't life funny we need to belong but at times find it is all just not what it should be. I understand your heart and that "why would they do that" feeling. I am sure most do not even understand what it is that they have done and I think you should get back there and show them you do not care! but that you are a better person as you truly must be or it would not hurt as it does. You have as I read the posts here have some true friends that come here because they want to not because they have to, those others just find themselves in the same spot as you because they paid for the class, they are not friends. and they should be ashamed of their rudness.
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